(Come on feel the nice)So I've been ruining this "Paleontology for Dullards" feature, where I rate records I've found in used LP bins by assigning them a cash value, for
a while now. No one cares, and I'm okay with that. However, I check out
Chunklet Magazine's website yesterday and see they've posted something called
The Under $7 Seventy, wherein they list 70 albums worth a listen that are readily available in used bins for seven dollars or under. Then I see a similar thread on the
Terminal Boredom Message Board. Neither would bother me so much except:
A) Both have more comments than I've had for anything I've ever posted.
B) I'm still peeved at Chunklet for including, in their latest print issue, a bunch of jokes I made in their comments section without giving me any credit. (Though to be fair, it's really more about the glory than the credit.)
C) These guys are are just listing records. I'm writing full reviews here. Granted, they're reviews all of my dozen or so readers complain are too long and dense but I'm making an effort, dammit!
Thus, I've decided to one up them. Instead of just listing album titles or trying to string together coherent thoughts into paragraph, I've chosen the perfect middle ground:
one sentence record reviews.
I think this method should work out well since no one really cares to read more than a sentence at a time in this day and age anyway. I'll readily admit some of the sentences are run-ons but no one cares about grammar anymore either.
(Oh, and please don't mention that I swiped this whole idea from
Tim Midgett's
$2.99 Wax Necessities in the first place. It's not online anymore and therefore you can't prove anything.)
The Damned StrawberriesFirst-gen punks show depth and don't suck at it as they later would.
Price Paid: $7
Rating: 85.7%
The Bee Gees OdessaA very listenable double LP that doesn't quite live up to "lost classic" status but the red felt cover feels mighty nice.
Price Paid: $7
Rating: 100%
Stiff Little Fingers Go For It!This album could be proof that the members of Rancid listen to bands other than the Clash.
Price Paid: $8
Rating: 75%
Dead Fingers Talk Storm the Reality StudiosOld dudes pose as punks with more credible results than the Police but not quite as exciting as those first two Stranglers albums.
Price Paid: $7
Rating: 71.4%
Melanie Candles in the RainThe hippy-dippy anthem "Lay Down (Candles in the Rain)" is a pretty incredible song though I still prefer Strapping Fieldhands' version.
Price Paid: $3
Rating: 66.7%
Neil Young and Crazy Horse Re⋅ac⋅torSludgy, long songs from Neil and the Horse that's far from his best work though "Shots" is an absolute killer.
Price Paid: $2
Rating: 100%
Celibate Rifles Mina Mina MinaYet further evidence that Australia is the second most rockin' continent in the world.
Price Paid: $3
Rating: 100%
To Damascus Come to Your SensesListening to the musical advice of Joe Carducci is not always a good idea.
Price Paid: $2
Rating: 50%
Green on Red s/tGreen on Red made this awesome EP for their debut then, like almost every other Paisley Underground band, had more or less negligible remainder of their recorded career (except for the Dream Syndicate, who made a full album before becoming negligible).
Price Paid: $8
Rating: 100%
Chris D/Divine Horsemen Time Stands StillKnitters Poor Little Critter on the RoadDanny and Dusty The Lost WeekendL.A. post-punks go Americana with varying results.
Chris D
Price Paid: $3
Rating: 100%
Knitters
Price Paid: $5
Rating: 80%Danny and Dusty
Price Paid: $5
Rating: 40%
Holly and the Italians The Right to Be ItalianOf all the albums I've purchased featuring artists who had a song on
Rhino's DIY series, this is probably the least essential, and please note I own a Human Sexual Response album.
Price Paid: $5
Rating: 20%
Loudon Wainwright III Attempted MustacheWithin about ten seconds of the first cut it becomes evident that this guy is waaaaay better than his super annoying son.
Price Paid: $3
Rating: 100%
Midnight Oil Diesel and DustCommercial rock in the late 80s that's not totally toothless and is therefore commendable though being Australian helps.
Price Paid: $4
Rating: 50%
The Inhalants s/tU.S. 90s garage punk that's extra dirty, extra simple, extra stupid and, therefore, extra tasty.
Price Paid: $2
Rating: 100%
Adult Net The Honey TangleIt seems as though someone convinced Mark E Smith's ex-wife she's a member of the Bangles, which actually turned out to be a pretty good idea.
Price Paid: $3
Rating: 100%
Alan Vega Saturn StripThe former member of Suicide, Ric Ocasek and Al Jourgensen (credited here as Alain) team up for an effort that's less than the sum of it's parts, though one could make the case that the Ministry association counts negatively towards the total.
Price Paid: $4
Rating: 50%
Big Dipper SlamMajor label debut that's much-maligned (and not included on the recent
Supercluster collection) but sounds decent to my ears.
Price Paid: $2
Rating: 100%
Townes Van Zandt For the Sake of the SongThis just sold for 70 bucks on eBay and which means my investments are turning out better than most of the country's.
Price Paid: $8
Rating: 100%