How She (Almost Accidentally) Wrote "Elastic Man"

(The face that gives Simon Cowell nightmares.)

From the old news but new to me department (from UK tabloid the Sun, link courtesy of Failed Pilot):

THEY may share the same surname but that’s it for similarities between angelic Britain’s Got Talent teen FARYL SMITH and gnarled FALL frontman MARK E SMITH.

So imagine Universal Records’ surprise when they received the first shipment of Faryl’s debut CD from the pressing plant.

A cock-up in production meant that instead of delicate balladry in the honeyed tones of their recently signed youngster, what actually ended up on discs bearing her artwork and info were the grumblings of Mark and his fellow Manc veterans’ 2008 album Imperial Wax Solvent.

Needless to say, Universal chiefs weren’t best pleased.

My spy tells me: “They had ordered hundreds of copies and they were staggered by what was on it.

“They have had severe words with the pressing plant.”

I suppose there's some kind record collecting nerd fantasy that thousands of tween girls would hear Mark E and the Fall and have their minds blown and suddenly "get it" ala Mona Simpson and Joe Namath's hair. I'll admit it's a pretty silly thought to entertain but it's also one of the pretenses under which I publish this blog.

Hence:

For The People Who Complain That MTV Doesn't Play Videos Anymore...

...I say this to you:

Have you actually seen any videos lately?

Trust me. You're not missing anything.

I happened to catch some of the Fuse channel's "Alternative" top ten countdown this afternoon. As to why I was watching Fuse in the first place... well, they were running a documentary on metal that included interviews with members of Gorgoroth and other Norwegian black metal bands. Needless to say, that's the kind of entertainment one shouldn't pass up.

Anyway, the top ten yielded many surprises to me:

1) Apparently, the Offspring are still making music.

2) Somebody thought it would be a good idea to put the Killers in "beyond the thunderdome" gear.

3) U2's new single is a combination of weird, processed boogie guitars and "Pump It Up"-style phrasing. It sounds like a more irritating version of "Wild, Wild West" by the Escape Club.

4) For some reason, people are not yet tired of that awful Kings of Leon song.

5) Rock videos for histrionic songs featuring sullen teenagers will never go out of style.

I also found out there's a band called The Airborne Toxic Event, who I'm pretty certain was named through the last internet meme (From Buzzfeed via the Onion AV Club):

Here's a totally random way to make your new random band's new random album cover. Post one! Go to “Wikipedia.” Hit “random” and the first article you get is the name of your band. Then go to “Random Quotations” and the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. Then, go to Flickr and click on “Explore the Last Seven Days” and the third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

My result:


Yes, I am available for freelance graphic design work.

Cranky Old Man Discusses New Music

Girl Talk: What the fuck is this shit?

In my day, DJs used samples to serve the song, not be the song. And they at least had an MC to provide some original content.

If you look at what someone like Grandmaster Flash was doing back in the early 80s and what Girl Talk is doing now it might be similar of the surface but it terms of creativity it's miles apart. It's not like digging through crates to find records to sample and getting a funky drum break from the Steve Miller Band or something. Girl Talk isn't Ultimate Breaks and Beats. It's all songs people know! It's a bunch of ringtones spliced together.

Are we so bereft of ideas? Are our attention spans so short? Is the motto of the current generation of music makers "why be creative when you can be clever?"

And what's with the new Kayne West album? Has he been listening to the Postal Service non-stop or something? And look, I know the guy has the freedom to do whatever he wants with his records, something any pop artist would be lucky to get, and I commend for not simply repeating the formula which gave him the most commercial success but, come on, give the Auto-Tune a rest, will ya? I don't even think Kayne has to sing on his own records. Couldn't he just give someone a call who can actually carry a tune and have them sing on the album? All these hip hop guys seem to have a hard-on for Chris Martin anyway. Imagine the crossover appeal!

I do like the new Beyoncé single though. Maybe not enough to put a ring on it, but still...