Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Dear viral marketing,

You are now even more annoying than regular marketing.

It wasn't the Aqua Teen Hunger Force scare that crippled the city of Boston for an afternoon that put you over the edge. Nor was it the little lad who loves berries and cream. That merely pulled you into a tie.

No, it was this abomination: whopperfreakout.com

I'm sure many of you have seen the ads on TV. As bad as they are, it doesn't compare to the endurance-testing agony of seeing them stretched out to 7 and a half excruciating minutes. I had to take a look the website for something work-related. (No, I don't work at McDonald's and I wasn't checking out the competition.) I could only make it to the 2:30 mark at which point I decided I needed to pick up my flat screen monitor and use it to beat the person who forced me to watch this atrocity to death. (My trial is pending.)

Are we supposed to mock these people who are so upset that the Whopper is ostensibly gone? Or are we supposed to identify with them? Both, perhaps? Isn't Burger King assuming that viewers love the Whopper as much as the flabbergasted dolts in this ad and even though we're meant to laugh at them we should also feel their pain? Has there ever been a more clear cut case of a company having contempt for their customers? I feel like BK is assuming the role of Ricky Gervais's character on Extras, playing for an audience he clearly feels is beneath him. The King is pissing on his peasants.

Oh Burger King, it's bad enough you've been shoving that guy in the creepy mask down our throats for years. What have we done to deserve this?

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